I feel as though throughout high school my focus has always been on getting a high GPA. For some reason I felt my GPA was something I had more control over, and something I used to judge my self worth. Since I started high school I put a lot of pressure on myself to get good grades, because before then, in middle school, whenever I did well in a class I would get complimented for it. The compliments came from my peers, my teachers, my parents, etc. Eventually, through no one else’s fault but my own, I started to associate these compliments with my worth as a person. In my head, if I wanted to feel I was a worthy person I needed to get more compliments. To get more compliments I needed to get better grades. So, I was only valued if I got good grades.
I wonder a lot about how I started to equate the nice things people would say about my grades with my worth as a person, because I have never once looked at somebody else that way. I cannot think of a time where a friend has told me they failed a class, and my thought was I shouldn’t hang out with them anymore, they aren’t worth my time. If I didn’t think this way about others, why did I think this way about myself? This idea became so embedded in me, that it was no longer about compliments I received from others, but myself. However, the thing I thought was so funny about my obsession with getting a high GPA was how small the accomplishment felt compared to accomplishing an extracurricular. As a part of a public health class, I helped start a CPR initiative for seniors at my school. We volunteered our time after school to go through CPR lessons with the students. I became so focused on the cause I completely forgot that there was a grade involved. When our class was finished I felt so proud of what we were able to accomplish. We raised awareness about the need to teach CPR in schools, and successfully taught many students and faculty how to perform CPR. Leaving the class with that knowledge was more meaningful to me than the grade I received. After that I looked for other things I could do that would be more meaningful to me than my grades. I helped our schools basketball and baseball teams, where I built lasting friendships. I interned with our schools athletic trainers where I helped my peers with their injuries, and eased some of the workload off our trainers shoulders. All of these meant more to me than my GPA, and taught me more through experience than my classes did.
While my GPA does remain an important part of my academic life, I have begun to move away from it defining me. The activities that leave more impact on my community, and myself are beginning to take importance.