Life-altering decisions are made instantaneously, yet we must live with them for the rest of our lives. We fear regret. It’s common sense then to choose the college that grants you the most satisfaction; however, when the intersection of familial responsibility, socioeconomic pressure, personal principles, and ego rears its ugly head, what is satisfaction?
It’s subjective. As such, my three criteria were not necessarily for selecting the right college, but to come to peace with my choice. Perhaps, my insight will help you come to peace with yours.

When I chose UC Berkeley (Cal) over UC Irvine (UCI), my first major concern was my autistic brother. My parents were 55 and 57, and he had violent tantrums. They were at the cusp age where I was hesitant they had the strength to quell his tantrums. Yet, simultaneously, I knew I would become bitter if I sacrificed an opportunity to study Chemical Engineering–of all things– at Cal to become a lifetime caretaker. I craved academic satisfaction. My life couldn’t center around my brother, and I wouldn’t let it. College first is for yourself. Reflecting back, I would have been mentally tortured had I chosen UCI. My first criteria was this: Is it selfish or selfless, and which was I? Which are you?

The second criteria was fresh viewpoints to steel my worldview. Although I am apolitical, the natural inclination of a Vietnamese community centered on the premise of filial piety and the shadow of the Vietnam War is Republican. I wanted rigor, to test instilled beliefs. I wanted to support pride which certain family members wouldn’t approve of at the risk of abandonment, even if it meant having to work and study simultaneously to support my brother and I. I asked myself if I truly yearned for independence or its romantic image. My second criteria was how willing I was to fight for change–both for myself and those around me.

My final gauge was friends. All except two others in my graduating class of around 500–whom I didn’t know exist–would be attending Cal. Some of my dearest friends are a year from me. As an autistic caretaker, the few friends I managed in my schedule were exceptionally dear–cherished beyond all measure. In this area, Berkeley failed. Some nights still, I fall into a pit of cyclic hope and despair, to see them again at Cal if they could somehow get in. Yet, it was only after where I met so many wonderful others–even going on a date with a guy. My final criteria was if I was going to be lonely. Yes, I was alone at Cal, but I was never lonely.

When I chose Cal, I didn’t have this exact methodical thought process and criteria in mind. You don’t need to have specific principles. Just choose the best generally. Then, do look back. Reflect and convince yourself it was the best decision you could have made at that time. Come to your conclusion then justify it.
You simply won’t be able to be satisfied no matter how much you deliberate. Satisfaction is only what you produce afterwards.