My alarm blares at six in the morning and I struggle to push my plush blanket off my tired body as I reach to turn it off. After a couple of minutes of convincing myself to start my day, I finally get up, my knees and ankles popping as my feet hit the cold concrete floor. While I decide which baggy sweats to throw on before I go to school, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll have to come home early again today. My Familial Mediterranean Fever (FMF) is much worse than it has been for a while and all I seem to be able to manage is the absolute bare minimum. Even though I feel well enough to go to school, I worry that I’ll go straight to bed when I get home, too exhausted to do the homework I’ll be assigned.
This morning, however, wasn’t the first time that I’d felt like I couldn’t keep up with the ordinary rigors of my school days. During the past three years of high school, I had watched my peers stay up until the early hours of the morning to do homework while I struggled to simply stay awake on eight hours of sleep. Too exhausted to join my friends at volleyball games and bonfire kickbacks, I was purely in survival mode.
This was the reality of my junior year. Despite these struggles, I refused to acknowledge the difficulties I faced, preferring to tell myself that I was okay and should be grateful my symptoms weren’t any worse. But one summer day, as I lay in bed recovering from a two-month flare-up of fever, joint pain, fatigue, and nausea, I finally realized that I’m allowed to struggle. It doesn’t make me ungrateful or weak to acknowledge my unique challenges. Instead, accepting my differences has allowed me to adjust my lifestyle and minimize the effects my illness has on me.
Once the worst of my flare-up passed, I decided to change my outlook. Although pretty much anything unpleasant can trigger a flare of my FMF, I knew I could improve my overall health and energy levels by taking better care of myself. At first, I began with baby steps. I started eating better, sleeping more, going for walks, and caring for my mental health. While it may be anticlimactic, my life completely changed once I started prioritizing my health.
Although my FMF will never go away, I now feel confident and happy and am staying on top of my schoolwork. I never thought doing more of what I enjoyed would actually allow me to excel in my classes, give me the energy to watch my friends’ sports games, and attend those bonfires that I’d previously skipped. Armed with these new skills, I now have the ability to give my all in everything I do, whether it be my classes, extracurriculars, or spending time with the people I love.