High school has not been an easy time in my life. It may appear that way on the outside, whether it’s the perfect grades, the multitude of leadership positions, and lots of “friends,” but many people do not take the time to see me other than a popular high achiever. If they took the time to look beyond that, they would quickly see the problems at home, battles with mental health, and loneliness.
My parents have never been happy together. It is not a sob story or a way to get handouts, but a fact: my parents have never been happy together. Every day I have to deal with the constant fights and picking sides. It’s exhausting. It has been like this for as long as I can remember. They have not even slept in the same bed since I was five. School has proved an escape from this. I enjoy going to school and I give everything while I am there in order to make my parents proud, and maybe a little happier.
Immersing myself in my topics of study has helped me to block out the world around me. I have found a great love for areas in science, history, and poetry. Learning more about these topics has helped me to better understand and value the world around me, and has brought me joy to help overcome the stress and conflict at home. The academic world welcomed me in, and I have not stopped the sprint for knowledge that has overtaken my life. Knowledge freed me, and for that I am forever grateful.
Depression has taken a lot of my life away as well. If sophomore-year me could see me today, they would be shocked. The pit of depression was deep, and I could not find a way to crawl out. My “friends” did not care about me and they pushed me aside whenever I would try to explain what was going on. I found freedom from this disease when I started attending therapy and prioritizing myself. I focused on healing myself and I took the time to think about why I experienced certain feelings and discovered that I deserve far more than what I was receiving.
Once I began to do this, I found so much more joy in my life. It could be time or the new environments I found myself in, but I began to enjoy everyday life again. Sunrises made me smile again, and the funny little bug on the windshield made me laugh. Lately, it feels as if I am an entirely new person. Many people look down on therapy, but it opened the door to discovering the best version of myself. It took me out of serious mental illness and taught me how to value myself.